27 dresses

As dear old dad told me, in reference to turning 25 and not being married, “you’re like a Christmas cookie, no one wants you after the 25^th”. Aww, thanks dad. 

My parents are convinced I’ll be an old spinster, selfishly not birthing them any grandchildren. What a shame it would be if these child bearing hips didn’t get put to use. “Aww Sheena, you really will be the only one (of your friends not married) left.” I love a good pity party thrown on my behalf. 

My best friend is getting married. She called me tonight with the official date. Another one bites the dust. Love ya, Kimmy! 

A friend getting married doesn’t make me feel old, but the things that follow do. Having babies on purpose? What? I secretly panic at the thought of it. Haven’t we been spending all of our 20s trying not to get pregnant? I need more time. Wasn’t the farewell dance just yesterday? 

One of my friends stopped taking the pill the day she got married. Claiming it gave her headaches. Really? I don’t have that problem; why don’t you switch brands I helpfully suggested. No-go. Instead they are planning around the calendar and using goat skin condoms (just sounds gross, sorry for even writing it) for BC. Next thing I hear is they’ve skipped out on the goat skin condoms, electing for calendar method only, because the goat condoms are pricey. The condoms are too expensive? PSA: If you can’t afford the condoms, you can’t afford a positive pregnancy test. 

Anyway, I digress. Back to the issue at hand: marriage and everyone doing it like it’s going out of style. Why the rush? I hate hearing a 20something female talk about not being married/being single like it’s the end of the world. Enjoy it. You have no one expecting you to be home tonight. You don’t have to ask for forgiveness later. Go crazy. Send the eye candy on the other side of the bar a drink. Shave your legs before you go out just in case. 

Lastly, Not that getting married is comparable to being axe-murdered, but when I watch a horror film where multiple people are being chased I always think to myself ‘dear lord, don’t let me be the last to go if I’m ever in that situation.”  I don’t know if that makes sense, but that thought process reminds me of how I feel about all of my friends getting married. I don’t want to get married right now (or murdered) but if everyone had to get married (or murdered), I simply don’t want to be the last (wo)man standing. 

“I hope our kids get along!” they say. Please, your kids’ll be babysitting mine. 

       What I'm listening to: Joshua Radin, Simple Times. All of his stuff is good. First heard him on the movie “The Last Kiss” – good soundtrack. I listened to ‘Paperweight’ by him and Schuyler Fisk on repeat after that movie.