Let me start by saying that taking dating advice from me is a lot like getting a diet plan from an obese person. While they may have a lot of experience with food (as I have with dates), whatever they’re doing is not working for them (I am single – and young, educated and good lookin in case you know anyone).
That said, I’ve been on a fair share of dates in the last few months. To be fair only a couple bad ones, where I had a lot of “this guy wonders why he’s single?” moments. I’m going to share those with you so you don’t make the same mistakes.
1. “lol”. Just don’t. If you’re texting and you think you’ve said something really witty do not ruin it by following it with “lol”. If it truly was witty, you don’t need to inform her. A simple "ha" will suffice.
2. Along the same lines of #1, use the wink/smiley face sparingly. You’re not a 12 yr old girl.
3. If a girl declines datish things – i.e. movie/dinner, but suggests/agrees to friendly activities – i.e. “I can’t watch a movie, but I’ll definitely play tennis! I’ll invite 2 others and we can do doubles!” - she’s just not that into you. Sorry buddy. This is not the end of the world; she is still willing to hang out. Accept it. Do not keep asking her on dates, making her feel like an ass by finding new ways to turn you down every time.
4. Don’t say bad things about your mom. I don’t care how funny you think it is- I assure you it’s not. You can tell a lot about a guy by how he treats/talks about his mom. Make a girl feel sorry for yours and you’re not getting any. Asshat.
5. Do you have a maltipoo or some other designer ankle bitter that you did not happen to find in, and rescue from, the wild? Oh, and you dress her up? Congrats, but keep it to yourself until she agrees to a second (or third) date.
6. Don’t cross your legs. She’ll wonder why that’s comfortable for you. Also on the list of don’t: graphic t’s, excessive hair gel, ‘soul patches’ (see wikipedia)/mustaches. You’re welcome.
7. Pretend to like her dog (or children). I don’t care if you hate dogs and he’s smelling your crotch and stepping on your good shoes. I also don’t care how many great dates you’ve had with one another before said dog meeting, or how successful and good looking you are – if she has a dog, you must like dogs.
8. Kiss her by the 3rd date or you will be friended. If she finds you particularly good looking or witty she may even do the work for you, but man-up and don’t rely on that.
Things that will work to your advantage:
1. Have her favorite beverage in your fridge. This is even better if she knows you don’t like that particular beverage; it’s there for her benefit.
2. Make her laugh. This may be the most important thing.
3. Be independent. I don’t need to spell that one out for you.
4. Send a text after hanging out the first time to let her know you enjoyed yourself. Don’t wait 3 days for this; you’re not asking her out again, but simply letting her know you’re interested/had a good time.
5. Stubble. I like to know you’re capable of growing a beard. Disclaimer: This is just my personal preference, so really not helpful for anyone reading this.
That’s all for now.
Music you should listen to: bon iver – skinny love; warren haynes – soulshine; oasis – wonderwall.
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