Donkeys, Elephants and Birds, Oh My!

I don’t talk politics. An obvious good reason is that I’m not going to change anyone’s mind. Agree to disagree, etc etc. The real, and better, reason is because I don’t know what the f I’m talking about.

That said…..I’m about to talk politics.

Picking between Romney and Obama is like deciding to spend a night at the opera or pay to see a movie with Kristen Stewart. No thank you. I’ll stay in and peruse instant watch instead. It could always be worse [Newt], but really, I am baffled that these 2 are our candidates.  Out of all of the men and women of this beautiful country, these are our choices.

Obama has had his 4 years. He promised ‘change’, people voted, and it’s all we have left (pocket change. I know it’s not original, but you laughed the first time you heard it anyway, come on). Romney -I don’t trust anything that comes out of his mouth. Maybe because as a general rule I don’t like Mormons**.

Ron Paul. That guy would have had my vote.

I’m ready for it to be over. I’m tired of being handed information on voting when I go to church (separation of church and state! Can I get an amen) and being pushed to vote a certain way at bible study (or, at least, feeling like I am being pushed). Hypocritical for me to say that last part since one of the things I love about my particular bible study is that things are made relevant to my life today. 

Moving along. 

Health care. It’s what everyone is talking about. I didn’t have it for several years and am thankful to now have a job that affords me pretty decent healthcare. Personally I’m willing to pay more so that others can have healthcare; that makes sense to me, seems decent, and even if  I didn’t care about being decent it also should, in theory, save money in the long run (since we can’t exactly go survival of the fittest – although I’m all about giving it a go). Everyone's worked up over the “death panel”. From what I understand the payment advisory board (or, as you may have heard it referred to, the death panel) cannot ration health care, or otherwise restrict Medicare benefits or eligibility (in addition, cannot raise taxes or premiums). Romney also wants to control Medicare spending, but so far as I can tell he leaves the cost-cutting means up to congress. Basically, as Jesse Walker pointed out more elegantly before me – “Romney's alternative to Obamacare is Romneycare, or as I like to call it, Obamacare”.

Abortion. Romney-Ryan are against it, but recently Romney said it’s not on his agenda; he now does not intend to pursue anti-abortion legislation. The long and short of it is he's a politician and ultimately, like his oponent, he is not willing to sacrifice votes to maintain his personal beliefs. Personally I don’t agree with abortion. The argument against taking away individual rights is usually the side I'm on - but what about the rights of the unborn? On the flip side, who’s going to stop people from aborting on their own if they can’t have it legally done? I've seen Dirty Dancing.  

Gay rights/marriage. Again, not for me, but who am I to tell someone who they can or cannot be with. The bible does state homosexuality is a sin – but gluttony is also a sin and good luck to the person who tries to pry a pan of brownies and a jar of peanut butter out of my hands. God doesn’t love gays or my gluttonous ass any less than the rest of you self-righteous Cassie Crouches of the world. Let’s stop judging each other and try to love each other. Cue Hebrews 12:14.    

At the end of the day it takes more than one man to ruin everything (right?) and the hot topics aren’t even topics that are fundamental to the state of our nation. Thank God for checks and balances.

Take a minute to truly be thankful we live in a country where we can voice our opinions without being killed, we have freedom of religion, and women don’t choose between execution and education, amongst many other basic rights. The Taliban attack on Malala Yousufzai this week is one small reminder of that.

For anyone still with me, you can’t hum while holding your nose. Try it.

**I really mean I don’t agree with Mormonism. In case they’re reading, I do have a couple of Mormon friends who I have love for and who haven’t creeped me out…yet. There’s still time, guys.

My best friend got married

My best friend got married......

and i cried. and looked like a man. emotional is just not a good look for me.

I love it when couples look good together. You know, when they look alike -- like they could be related. Maybe that's the west virginia in me coming out.

I couldn't be happier for her. And I cant wait to get married myself one day so I can spend the next week at a swim up bar in a third world country.

but, not to make it all about me...

The bride was beautiful, the venue was perfect, and the music was spot on. The food --- ooh the food. Dinkie slaughtered a 200 lb pig, it looked like, and made BBQ so good that I didn't even care I was drinking Bud Light. Love a good wedding.

I hate to be cheesy, but it was so sweet seeing Anthony look at Kimmy during the ceremony. Like she was the only person in the world. Amanda noticed the same thing and it reminded me that I thought the same thing about Jared 2 years ago at their wedding. Aw guys, I feel sappy now. Love you guys, mean it!

13 Things on a Thursday

I have a neurotic fear that if I don’t eat enough vegetables my immune system will self destruct, I’ll get cancer, or Kristen Stewart will land more acting jobs.

I find random cursing unattractive and yet find myself sounding like a sailor as of the last ~year. Bad mouths rubbing off on me. Working on that one.

Children are the best therapy.

Everyone knows that if a guy can play an instrument it takes him, while doing so, to a whole different level of attractiveness…. but men playing with/holding children (who aren’t their own) who clearly adore them? Take me home with you.

When something happens that makes me want to scream or jump and shout and I’m in a position that I can’t show emotion ….there’s a marching band happening inside my head.

I’m having my wisdom teeth removed. I could have had them removed  when I was younger and still on my parents insurance. Instead, after having 4 permanent teeth pulled to make room for them, enduring the pain of them actually coming in, no longer being a child and on my parents insurance, and living 6 hours from my mother who would otherwise cater to me, I’m now electing to have them removed. Hindsight’s 20/20.

Teeth are the second thing I notice about people. I like flossing and still rock my retainer.

Can anyone tell me when the Arrested Development movie is happening? I have big plans to review the seasons before to ensure being disappointed when the film doesn’t meet my expectations

Michael: Could it be love?
Gob: I know what an erection feels like, Michael. No, it's the opposite - it's like my heart is getting hard. 

            ……seriously, this film is going to suck in comparison

I excel at putting my foot in my mouth. Example: I comment on a swim suit top that I think is unflattering, my friend takes her cover up off and is wearing that exact top … Another example: audiology student asking for a female’s view point; Student: “ok, you’ve been in a long term relationship, what if he’d given you a promise ring….” Me, interrupting: “I’d vomit” Student: “well what if you forced it on him…” Me: “wait is this you….” Frustrated Student, hands flailing: “yes.. gosh.. darn it,  let me explain!”

My inner left calf has been about to explode for the last ~2 weeks. It doesn’t hurt when I’m actually running, but I’m usually dragging my left leg behind me an hour later. I stretch it and stretch it exactly like the google image for “inner calf stretch” and still…nothing. Thanks in advance to anyone who can advise me on this.

I’m going to be living out of a suitcase in July. Destinations include Roanoke, Portland and Charleston.  Suggestions on what I should not miss out on in Portland are encouraged. So much good music comes out of that city that I can’t imagine not being able to find a small venue with some tunes, but I don’t know where to start and Google is failing me.

“Would you believe I’m the 34^th grandchild of King Edward the 1st Longshanks?” ß I love it when patient interactions start this way. Can’t make this stuff up.

I don’t like it when gay people are semi out of the closet. Case in point: guy acquaintance and his ‘friend’ live together in a 1 bedroom. They refer to each other as friends. They don’t touch or get too close when others are around. They go as far as to have 2 beds in their bedroom. They know I couldn’t care less about someone’s sexuality [unless it’s a 26-32 year old active/outdoorsy man over 6’ tall without an ex wife or children who is simultaneously fun to be around and look at….step off] – so I just want to say “You have collages of yourselves on vacation! You have a cat! You’re not fooling me!” Just embrace each other. If it bothered me or someone else, then we’re not worth hiding it for.

Listening to: Decemberists

ATL

This happened…..

Braves won

Tailgating. Burnt wieners, doritos and ‘sports toss’ – enough said 

White people danced...what the what?

Poland lost

Sombrero was stolen

Bottomless breakfast. $7 for one bloody mary or $15 for bottomless; you do the math. Fred’s no dummy.

 We were tourists

We’re still searching for an ATL man fitting this description

 This song was played. On repeat.

Not pictured… the cat who bit me, the best breakfast in the world (biscuit with fried chicken, egg, and gravy) from republic social house, ikea and much more.

Reasons I’m ok with not living in a big city (#lyingtomyself)

I don’t need BP meds to drive.

I can afford to live by myself.

Top shelf drinks in Augusta cost the same as bottom shelf in ATL.

We have a baseball team. It’s not the Braves, but any thirsty thursday at a greenjackets game ain’t bad.

 All of that said….. the first (or third) thing I did when I got home was look for jobs. Anyone hiring let a girl know. I specialize in hearing and balance, but am also open to cleaning houses if the city’s right.

A post with a recipe - sort of

I just ate the best salad ever. Or maybe I just love the dressing:

Spinach

Chicken

Tomato

Red onion

Red pepper

Avacoda

Sliced almonds

Goat cheese

Strawberry vinaigrette dressing (in food processor: one teaspoon sugar, few basil leaves, cup of strawberries, one table spoon extra virgin olive oil, 2 tablespoons white wine vinegar)

Still loving my go-to salad:

Spinach/kale

Grilled salmon or chicken, blackened

Black beans

Corn

Tomato

Red pepper

Avocado

Onion

Balsamic dressing

End of season 3 of Mad Men has broken my spirit. Damn you Bets, forgive that

cheating bastard. What bothers me more is that I just want Don to be happy and am pissed at Bets. That’s some good script writing right there.

If  you’re looking for me anytime soon please find me either crying at my best friend’s wedding, throwing my belongings in the trash instead of moving them, or in one of the following cities: Augusta, Atlanta, Bedford, Charleston, Savannah, Portland, or Bristol. Look for the girl with the frizzy hair at the bar.

In the spirit of the concert I'm most anticipating, music you should listen to: Mumford and Sons. 'Little Lion Boy' and 'Cave' are probably the most popular. 'Awake My Soul' and 'Feel the Tide' are super. Also know that I tried to attach links to those songs and failed.

The 540

I was in VA for 11 days and left with 3 pictures, 5 extra lbs, 2 bruises and homesickness to prove it. I get a false sense of awesomeness when I visit because everyone drops what they’re doing to accommodate me and somehow we still don’t see enough of each other.

Some of my favorite family members came in from the hills of West Virginia. Mom made me the best carrot, pineapple, and coconut birthday cake and had my favorite biscuits on standby. My brother and I made my mom the most horrendous Mother’s day gift, which displayed our lack of artistic ability better than anything else to this date. I saw my best friend in her soon to be wedding gown. Dad DVR’d Anderson Cooper for me all week. My friends had a gathering where I discovered the wine that may make me start drinking my breakfast. I remembered what it’s like to run hills. A cousin shared something with me that I will keep safe. I made my own basil hummus which I’ve since been using as if it’s peanut butter. I missed my Georgia people. Cinco de Mayo was celebrated the way it was meant to be.  A boy who stood over 6 ft tall with justin timberlake-ish hair and dimples complimented me all night. A perfect day flew by with my aunt and cousin. I saw my favorite red-head. I transported a flatulent cat 150 miles.

If I had my own camera (which I keep saying I’m going to look into, but never do the research – someone get on that for me?), I would show you beautiful pictures of the landscapes and mountains that are VA that look like paintings.  The mountains! You’ll just have to take my word that the views from all over Bedford Co. are amazing. Some pictures my friends took instead: 

10 Things Tuesday

The movie ‘breaking upwards’ broke my heart. 

“GOOD NEWS!” in big, capital letters at the top of my yearly STD test results make me wonder what header they use when delivering bad news. “BAD NEWS!”? Surely not. 

In the same vein, it should be mandatory for Dr’s to come in grinning when they’re delivering same-day HIV results. I wasn’t worried until you came in not smiling. 

Nothing is sexier than a man who loves Jesus. Oh what's that? You want to pray before we eat? Marry me.

The Masters is like Disneyworld for adults, but better. You heard it here, from someone who doesn’t even like golf. Never in my life thought I’d be complaining “They’re already on 18?!” I never wanted OT to end. Phil winked at me on hole 12 (ok, he didn’t, but I winked at him and was hoping). 

No one thinks they have anything until they move.

There is such a thing as “giant jenga” and it’s worth your time. Pairs well with a day of cornhole.

The size of insects/rodents is directly proportional to the distance traveled south-bound

Topanga Lawrence > Kelly Kapowski. Both are attractive, both get the guy, but Topanga is intelligent, loyal, and never dated her manager. Am I the only who hasn’t forgotten when Kelly dumped Zach for Jeff? 

Love this song , but always feel sorry for Josie. Great cover.  

When I'm Not Blogging...

Earlier this week I…

Missed my mom more than usual because she visited last week. It was a wonderful visit, even if my dog does like her more than the person who vaccinates and feeds him. I can’t blame him. That woman is an angel. 

Went outlet shopping. “This dress is ONLY $59.99?!; they’re giving away these pants at half the original price!” Marketing schemes. I’ve been brainwashed. 

Had the wind knocked out of me by my dog, who came at me like a bull in a china shop. 2.5 years in and I’m just learning he’s terrified of thunder. I gasped for air while contemplating getting rid of him, but decided against it when I remembered how many new people he’s led me to (pun intended).

Bought 2 bathing suits. I’m not the girl who buys bathing suits in February, don’t know what happened there. Still trying to figure out why such little material costs more than most full-bodied outfits. 

Started back at crossfit after more than a week off.  On Mon the heaviest thing I’d lifted in 7 days were shopping bags. Been paying the piper ever since. Tuesday AM I couldn’t lift my arms above my head and I’m confident I was bleeding internally when I left the gym Wednesday. I hate feeling so weak. Oh well, it is what it is and I’m back to normal excruciating levels of muscle pain now, thank you Jesus.  

Went to a women’s bible study with some amazing people I’ve met through a young adult class I’ve been going to at church. I love that class and the girls who go to bible study, but, being completely honest, I don't know my bible well, so I was hesitant. I’m glad I went. Started a good lesson, always a good time with those girls, and no one called on me. Win-win. 

Attended a 6am meeting centered around sexual harassment. Began by introducing ourselves. Too many (30) minutes later I was irate that I could have showed up late and not missed anything other than head counting the number of people in the room I’d like to sexually harass (a pitiful 2) while they introduced themselves. Talk about counter-productive.  

Switched up girls night from dining out to the apartment. Good conversation kept us up until 1 am the night before said 6 am meeting. Could have gone on for hours or until the beer ran out anyway, but I freaked out seeing I was going to have 4 hours of sleep. Good times.

Finally got Blue Moon’s spring seasonal. Not surprising, it’s awesome. Hardest decision I’ve been making lately is if I want that or Sam Adam’s Dig. First world problem, anyone?

Held a newborn who slept the whole time and looked like an angel. She cradled perfectly into the nook of my arm and gave me baby fever. It’s very important that her mother call me to come back over when she’s crying/spitting up/shitting her pants so I can get over it.

Started another David Sedaris book, probably his most popular one, 'Naked'. His books are quick and make me snort while I laugh out loud.  If you listen to NPR you have probably heard some of his stories. 

Celebrated National Peanut Butter Lover’s day (march 1) by doing what I do every day – eating an absurd amount of it. 

Finished my taxes. They should hand out little blue pills with W2s. Even though I already knew the gov’t takes a solid 1/3 of my check, seeing that big lump sum of what could’ve been set me back emotionally. Oh, gross pay, if only, if only… 

Made cookies. I’ve been on a baking hiatus. Short of other people’s birthdays I haven’t been the little baker I once was. I had a sleeve of biscoff cookies and found this recipe. They were amazing. I really wanted to make myself sick off of them for old times’ sake, but unfortunately they were already promised to someone else.


Playing now: Ragged Wood - Fleet Foxes



 

10 Truths on a Tuesday

1) Salt and pepper makes me weak in the knees. I’m not talking about the seasoning. A little silver in the stubble goes a long way, too.

2) I have so much respect for teachers. It takes a special kind of patience that I have to work hard at. I could teach advanced courses all day long, but give me a group of slower learners and someone may end up crying and I don't cry.

3) I instantly judge someone who says “I’m not a dog person”. Same goes for people on the Newt Gingrich wagon.

4) Dry clean only really means “never getting washed”.

5) I see my ‘warning’ gas light as a challenge.

6) Scratch tickets should be a write off. I do it for the public schools.

7) I’ve been doing yoga for 4 months now and still can’t do the ‘crow pose’ or, more importantly, contort my body into a ‘pretzel’. We all have dreams.

8) Box jumps were not meant for me to do at home. I give up without an audience.

9) Break a mirror and its 7 years bad luck. How much bad luck is it to hit a 3 legged black cat? I’ll have to let you know.

10) Jeans never get dirty. Finally, here’s proof: http://www.news.com.au/technology/experiment-finds-dirty-jeans-are-actually-pretty-clean/story-e6frfro0-1225997272022

Today I'm Thankful

I’ve been feeling especially thankful over the last week. In fact I just put gas in my car, which should have angered me since the price has blown up like it’s on roids over the last week. But, I don’t have to drive. Plenty of people wish they were able to pay for gas to put in a reliable (most of the time) car. 

I was honestly dreading going back to work last week – so hard to go back after 4 days off, thank you govt holidays. I vividly recall my alarm clock going off on that first day back. Unless you’re a real housewife of [insert city], have won the lottery, or are a stay at home son/daughter – you know how terrible the alarm clock is. It only goes off when you’re in the best state of sleep ever/dreaming vividly that your body pillow is in fact Ryan Goslings body. 

Unfortunately for Americans most of our time is spent at work. All of that time there makes me realize how lucky I am to even have a job in this economy; much less one I love. I enjoy the people I work with, I love my patient population and for the most part I think they really like me. They write me thank you letters, send me emails, and make me cool, albeit sometimes awkward, things. Even if they do address letters to “Dr. Jesse Shenna”, I’m cool with it. 

While it’s really awesome to love your job, there are a lot of other things that I’m more thankful for. The everyday things - that I still take for granted most of the time. Guilty. 

Family. There’s a crazy one in every bunch. In my case the crazy ones outnumber the rest of us. I have a mom who would honestly do anything for me and anyone else for that matter. She’s the sweetest woman in the world and I want to be just like her when I grow up. My dad thinks I’m the smartest and prettiest girl in the world and I’ll take it. If I asked him to, my brother would kill someone for me. He’s a special kind of crazy, but I’m lucky to say that since I’ve moved 5+ hours from home, we’ve really gotten close. My extended family is large and also fabulous. While there are admittedly those I’m not all that close to I have amazing grandparents on both sides and a special few aunts, uncles and cousins who I’d give up late night snacking for. 

Friends. How many people can say they’re just as close to their elem/middle/high school friends now as they were then? I’m one of the lucky ones. I’d drop everything if they needed me and I know they’d so the same. KDH, ACT, PSW, AWR. Love. 

Roland. The most beautiful and sweetest natured dog you’ve ever laid eyes on. He makes big ears look good. He’s the best company. His tail thumping when I walk in the door is one of my favorite sounds (& his whining is my least favorite sound).

Living life. I spent almost my whole life living within 2 hours of a small town in Virginia - a wonderful town at that. Moving 3 states down is, to date, the most life changing experience I’ve had. At first it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I questioned the hell out of myself, but it’s been one of my best experiences. Over the last year I’ve been very lucky - traveled frequently, met and gotten to know great people and am still meeting new people every day; I have done things I never thought I would do. For the first time in a long time I’m not in school, I have a paycheck, and don’t have anything tying me down. I’m starting a whole new chapter in my life and I’m in control of what gets written. Every day is a new opportunity.

New friends. Don’t underestimate the difficulty – at first especially – of meeting new people when you’re no longer forced into social situations (i.e. school) and are new in town. I’ve been very active, throwing myself into all kinds of situations to meet people, and am just now really reaping the benefits after 6 months. Even though it’s not easy and takes some time, the positive thing is, in the end I have even more friends. I was lucky to have an acquaintance move to GA when I did. Expanding our little social circle beyond the 2 of us took a little time, but having 1 great friend around has made all the difference. She’s turned into a best friend and is one of those that’ll always be hearing my stories - & I can’t tell a short story. Sorry Sarah! 

Southern Climate. The real benefit of moving south is that I haven’t had to scrape my windows yet. 

Being capable of working out. What a meat-head thing to say. Actually I just love being active/running/etc. Give me a pretty day and enough daylight and odds are I’ll spend some of it running. I will always hate the first mile, but am thankful to be able to be doing it in the first place. I have amazing places to run all around where I live and it makes it that much better. At one trail in particular there’s often a mother/daughter (I’m guessing) and the mother cannot walk unsupported, so her daughter holds her back and pushes her along as they walk the trail. Gets me every single time. Nicholas Sparks could write a story about it.

Living by myself. It’s stupid how expensive it is and renting = throwing away money. Financially it would be smart to have a roommate. However, I can afford it and enjoy walking around in my underwear and no one leaving their dirty dishes in the sink.

Peep toe wedges. They have the ability of even making my cankles look good. Speaking of Cankles I recently discovered, from my aunt - thank you Sharon, that I have my dear Italian grandmother to thank for these glorious cankles. Apparently it’s an Italian woman thing. Thanks Norma!

Good music. Avett Brothers – they don’t have a bad song; take your pick. If you like them, they have a show coming up in Charleston in February. They’re so good live it’s insane and Charleston is the best city in the south east. Beautiful people everywhere. Do it. 

This is why you're single: A guy’s guide to not getting it

Let me start by saying that taking dating advice from me is a lot like getting a diet plan from an obese person. While they may have a lot of experience with food (as I have with dates), whatever they’re doing is not working for them (I am single – and young, educated and good lookin in case you know anyone). 

 That said, I’ve been on a fair share of dates in the last few months. To be fair only a couple bad ones, where I had a lot of “this guy wonders why he’s single?” moments. I’m going to share those with you so you don’t make the same mistakes.  

1.       “lol”. Just don’t. If you’re texting and you think you’ve said something really witty do not ruin it by following it with “lol”. If it truly was witty, you don’t need to inform her. A simple "ha" will suffice.

2.       Along the same lines of #1, use the wink/smiley face sparingly. You’re not a 12 yr old girl.

3.       If a girl declines datish things – i.e. movie/dinner, but suggests/agrees to friendly activities – i.e. “I can’t watch a movie, but I’ll definitely play tennis! I’ll invite 2 others and we can do doubles!” - she’s just not that into you. Sorry buddy. This is not the end of the world; she is still willing to hang out. Accept it. Do not keep asking her on dates, making her feel like an ass by finding new ways to turn you down every time. 

4.       Don’t say bad things about your mom. I don’t care how funny you think it is- I assure you it’s not. You can tell a lot about a guy by how he treats/talks about his mom. Make a girl feel sorry for yours and you’re not getting any. Asshat.

5.       Do you have a maltipoo or some other designer ankle bitter that you did not happen to find in, and rescue from, the wild? Oh, and you dress her up? Congrats, but keep it to yourself until she agrees to a second (or third) date.

6.       Don’t cross your legs. She’ll wonder why that’s comfortable for you. Also on the list of don’t: graphic t’s, excessive hair gel, ‘soul patches’ (see wikipedia)/mustaches. You’re welcome. 

7.       Pretend to like her dog (or children). I don’t care if you hate dogs and he’s smelling your crotch and stepping on your good shoes. I also don’t care how many great dates you’ve had with one another before said dog meeting, or how successful and good looking you are – if she has a dog, you must like dogs.

8.       Kiss her by the 3^rd date or you will be friended. If she finds you particularly good looking or witty she may even do the work for you, but man-up and don’t rely on that. 

Things that will work to your advantage:

1.       Have her favorite beverage in your fridge. This is even better if she knows you don’t like that particular beverage; it’s there for her benefit.

2.       Make her laugh. This may be the most important thing. 

3.       Be independent. I don’t need to spell that one out for you.

4.       Send a text after hanging out the first time to let her know you enjoyed yourself. Don’t wait 3 days for this; you’re not asking her out again, but simply letting her know you’re interested/had a good time.

5.       Stubble. I like to know you’re capable of growing a beard. Disclaimer: This is just my personal preference, so really not helpful for anyone reading this. 

That’s all for now. 

Music you should listen to: bon iver – skinny love; warren haynes – soulshine; oasis – wonderwall.

27 dresses

As dear old dad told me, in reference to turning 25 and not being married, “you’re like a Christmas cookie, no one wants you after the 25^th”. Aww, thanks dad. 

My parents are convinced I’ll be an old spinster, selfishly not birthing them any grandchildren. What a shame it would be if these child bearing hips didn’t get put to use. “Aww Sheena, you really will be the only one (of your friends not married) left.” I love a good pity party thrown on my behalf. 

My best friend is getting married. She called me tonight with the official date. Another one bites the dust. Love ya, Kimmy! 

A friend getting married doesn’t make me feel old, but the things that follow do. Having babies on purpose? What? I secretly panic at the thought of it. Haven’t we been spending all of our 20s trying not to get pregnant? I need more time. Wasn’t the farewell dance just yesterday? 

One of my friends stopped taking the pill the day she got married. Claiming it gave her headaches. Really? I don’t have that problem; why don’t you switch brands I helpfully suggested. No-go. Instead they are planning around the calendar and using goat skin condoms (just sounds gross, sorry for even writing it) for BC. Next thing I hear is they’ve skipped out on the goat skin condoms, electing for calendar method only, because the goat condoms are pricey. The condoms are too expensive? PSA: If you can’t afford the condoms, you can’t afford a positive pregnancy test. 

Anyway, I digress. Back to the issue at hand: marriage and everyone doing it like it’s going out of style. Why the rush? I hate hearing a 20something female talk about not being married/being single like it’s the end of the world. Enjoy it. You have no one expecting you to be home tonight. You don’t have to ask for forgiveness later. Go crazy. Send the eye candy on the other side of the bar a drink. Shave your legs before you go out just in case. 

Lastly, Not that getting married is comparable to being axe-murdered, but when I watch a horror film where multiple people are being chased I always think to myself ‘dear lord, don’t let me be the last to go if I’m ever in that situation.”  I don’t know if that makes sense, but that thought process reminds me of how I feel about all of my friends getting married. I don’t want to get married right now (or murdered) but if everyone had to get married (or murdered), I simply don’t want to be the last (wo)man standing. 

“I hope our kids get along!” they say. Please, your kids’ll be babysitting mine. 

       What I'm listening to: Joshua Radin, Simple Times. All of his stuff is good. First heard him on the movie “The Last Kiss” – good soundtrack. I listened to ‘Paperweight’ by him and Schuyler Fisk on repeat after that movie.

Bochinche? I can't even pronounce it.

First things first: a disclaimer. I am the opposite of computer savvy. I apologize in advance for how this blog turns out. For example I just posted a page on here, but can't find it. Oh well. Maybe you see it, maybe you dont, and maybe it's on here 4 times now. I'm also the opposite of creative so I hit up urbandictonary.com when BlogSpot made me title my blog. I was being ballsy and told myself I'd name my blog whatever came up when I clicked on 'random'. These were my results, in this order: wet blanket, sket, bamf, and bochinche.  1)      'Wet Blanket'. Unacceptable. A) no one wants to read something called 'wet blanket' and B) I’ll admit to being the victim of/guilty of dating one or two in the past, but that's the extent of my association with wet blankets. 2)      ‘Sket’: Short for Sketel. Caribbean term for Super Ho…. a motha fukin biatch even sluttier than a ho. Nope. I’m never a wet blanket and I am rarely a sket. Next up…. 3)      ‘BAMF’ – I wish. Next… 4)      ‘Bochinche’ Spanish noun for gossip – fine, I’ll take it.        What I'm listening to: Winding Road by Bonnie Somerville. Do your ears a favor and check it out.